A Reason to SMILE !

                                                             

                               
Its been a while that I have been lost in time, working like a machine. I am burning inside and the screams are suppressed with my lies. I stand there and look at myself in the mirror. My reflection is talking to me, yet I walk away ignoring. Because I was too scared to face the truth. The truth of getting lost in the dark world building inside me.

I don't know the reason, yet I don't want to make any attempts of finding out what has been happening to me. I felt all alone and couln't sense anybody else. This war with myself kept going on. And I was getting accustomed to it. I see no light, no smiles, no love. The whole wide world seems to be turning darker and darker. I just sit there and slid back into thoughts, which saddens me even more. When I try to think about something else, the whole lot of color is just splashed on with black. I go back to where I was. The battle never seems to end. It is surrounding me neck deep and I am willingly getting pulled away with it.

The screeching sound of the car's horn wakes me up from all these mad thoughts. It takes a minute for me to realise where I was. I am sitting in a car, my friends are giggling on some joke, the red signal was beaming in the sun and there was traffic all around. I peep out of the window. I couldn't help but notice one particular boy. He is holding a bunch of aeroplanes and moves from one car to another, trying to sell as many pieces as he can. The sweat shines on his face, with the roaring sun. His body looks weaned out. I could see that hope in his eyes, each time a car's window comes down, hoping that this time he would make money.

Then I realized, here I am sulking over my own life, which is well built and there was that little boy trying to make a penny so that he can eat some food. How selfish we tend to get at times, that we forget the very thought of being so fortunate in this world. How blessed we are, to have a roof under our head while there are people who stuggle their heart out, just so they can buy a brick. I couldn't stop from cursing myself. Maybe I needed a push. A step towards happiness, a step towards life. Life talks to you in mysterious ways, doesn't it ?

All I wanted to convey was, life is indeed short. Don't ruin it by trying to find a reason to be sad. Live life to the fullest. Write a line. Walk without slippers on the grass. Ride a bicycle. Play with the raindrops. Smile at the sun. Turn off your gadgets. Travel without a destination. Build a tent. Sit with a book. Watch a candle burn out. Fall asleep watching the stars. Build endless memories. Stay crazy !

As always, do tell me about your memories, at harithaharry28@gmail.com :) I'm all ears !

I-HEART-YOU

"The Backpack Song" in repeat on my player, my legs swinging in sync, lying amidst the long colorful charts and paint brushes, my eyes looking for you through my thoughts, and I was lost in my very own world. A world of only "YOU AND ME" and no dawn at all. My sunshine was your smile and my very definition of happiness was YOU. Oh ! I would give away everything for that one moment when you encircle me in your arms. And I rest there for eternity, in the happiest place ever.

While my love for you kept building its castle, my phone kept beeping. Irritated, I went for it. I saw YOU flashing with that dented smile, that kills me like it did the very first time. Each time we have a conversation, I still feel nervous carrying a jar full of butterflies, while my kohl smeared eyes glitter to your voice. I immediately ran towards my treasure box where I captured "OUR" moments of the divine LOVE we share.

There were many memories breathing in it. I never liked PINK and the idea of being whiny nor gooey romantic. But when YOU happened, my world turned upside down *I know, it does sound very cliche*. I kept digging into the box and it was magical. The first piece of paper from the class where we first met, tickets from the journey we first shared together, bills from the meal we first had, those whole lot of dried up roses, tiny glittering vintage showpiece, the scrapbook you made for me, the letters i wrote for you, my journal and many more.

Everything just took me back to that crazy journey we had together. That journey when we walked against the crowd, making our own destiny, writing our own LOVE STORY. We were reckless and we lived our age. We didn't care. We walked miles, traveled for endless hours, just to see each other. How much I miss those homecomings. Each time either one of us stepped out of that train, we engulfed each other, as though it will be the last time ever. That going-away kiss filled in the void when we stayed apart. And there was no looking back, because we loved each other too much. And we said to each other "There's NO WAY I could let you go".

Coming back to the present time *because I have to !*, I still miss those days. I miss every bit of my growing up, with YOU. I miss myself, with YOU. I miss EVERYTHING about YOU. Because our story was SIMPLE, yet the BEST, just like him. We did write letters to each other, despite gmail,skype,etc etc. We did have those lonely walks and those never ending talks looking upto the stars. Huge cars, coffee shops, popcorn baskets and movies blah blah never existed because we built a world that was simple. We traveled for long hours in that slow train, just to feel that ecstasy when we saw each other after one crazy lonely period of staying apart.

Sometimes, life is worth living when it is just the sane and serene part of the world without the-so-called-pretentious-phones, the-we-flaunt-our-love-through-Facebook, those dates where the actors of some movie are also accompanying you, those vexed up coffee shops and UFF ! the mad list goes on. Take a moment and try creating some simple memories. Write a letter. Watch the sun doze off with that ONLY ONE. Walk hand in hand. Take a walk. Hug like there is no tomorrow and never let go. Kiss while the stars twinkle. Love more than you did the previous second. Create your own LOVE STORY.

Any of you who wanna share their stories ? i'm all ears. Do tell me, harithaharry28@gmail.com. I'm just an email away.

The Pompous city !

                                                    
I took my first steps in a city, which is the most exuberant place in India. Any guesses ? Well, it is kolkatta ! Being born in such a place, you tend to accustom yourself to the ancient boats, the yummy food, breath taking views from the incredibly long bridge ways and many more. People there, look so chubby, which seems as though they've stuffed two rasagullas in either cheeks. Beauty just overflows among the people, specially the women with their authentic dressing of the saree. Its adorable to watch the key bunch hanging to their sarees swing to the pace of their steps. When you step out, the crowded vintage streets, huge idols of Gods, the loudness popping out from the bold usage of colors etc etc. Only one word to describe all of it "DIVINE". Well, destiny had something more astounding in store for me. When I landed there, I didn't know my life would take a whole new turn, leaving kolkatta as a faded picture. Before I could miss my city, I saw the board which read "HYDERABAD" and the journey began..

When I first came to this city, all I could do was my miss my grandparents and the sea. Nothing else seemed appealing to me. Slowly, a new world began to build itself. New school, new companions, new house, and the list goes on. In all these years of growing up, I never actually realized the roller coaster ride i've had in this long journey. Yesterday, I sat down with my cup of coffee. While the steam was escaping out of the cup, I happened to take a pause from everything going around and just sat there watching the city run. I decided then, to share my picture of this place.

My experiences in this city will always be the most craziest times of my life. To start with, tank bund always reminded me of the missing beach. I still remember a vivid picture of me cribbing about it and that is when my granny used to tell me, "Look at the Buddha who is standing so still, despite the water trying to bring him down. That is how you should build your personality, rock steady!". The never ending traffic at all times, forming clouds of smoke, creating funny images. There stands the traffic police, with the white traffic ghost in every road surrounding him and his cap warning everbody. Ridiculous !

When you wait at the bus stops, I can bet on you running into atleast one insane person acting like an animal. Those bus rides, loaded with so many people, making the bus dance on the road, while people driving the bikes flaunt their beehive shaped hair due to the air messing with it.

And when the buses get me vexed up, I always have one super fun argument with the auto drivers, who actually ask double the fare. The bumps on every road make me feel as though i'm on a trampoline. The colorful side of the city will always be the famous charminar. The bangles, pearls, various blingy stones, the colorful stores, women dressed in black robes, white hatted men, the whole place just gives you a different feel. If you are a figure head, then the prices of this place will never make your pocket barren.

The other side of the city is completely filled with fancy buildings, huge multiplexes, people stepping out of fancy cars, Harley Davidson bikes, the stilettos, the louis vuitton bags, the ferrari shoes, their glares giving out weird reflections. And the most funniest thing for me would be, the entire crowd just eyeing on a jaguar halting by the signal. This side of the city never sleeps with the night life, glittering in the moonlight.

While I was busy in these thoughts, a certain sight ahead of me caught my attention. Walking from a distance was a cute old couple walking hand in hand, walking by the road when the other vehicles are swooshing by. The couple seemed as though they were just laughing away their troubles. They didn't care about the surroundings, the beeping of the horns, the crazy race goin around. For them, the world seemed to have only one element, LOVE ! That is when I realised, even though time flies with real speed in this city, it never fails to keep the emotions alive. People here rush to make their daily fortune, but they will never let go those attachments. When its time, they will wrap the blanket of love around you and comfort you. It taught me to stand up on my own feet, to be bold and beautiful at heart. So, while I have the last sip of my coffee, this pompous city, finally made me say, "I'm a HYDERABADI".

Those glistening waves !

 Its been a while since i've actually written something. I kept cheating on my blog by getting too involved in my paintings. So, I felt its time for justice. Today, when I sat down to actually put in some words on this blank canvas, my mind was hovering through lot many memories, to pick up something good enough. After spending some rigorous time, my thoughts flashed back to a time, when I actually felt life was indeed amazing and pure. I felt I should share it because our elders always keep telling, multiply your joy by sharing it. I do sound as if I've popped out of some black and white movie, but sometimes, its good to be crazy like that.

It happened one day, when I went to visit a beach at my native, after one long year. As we grow up, we tend to look at things differently. We come up with new perspective towards things, which already existed in our life from the start. We develop a new likeness. Same thing happened with me. I visited the beach endless number of times, but that day it seemed different.

I was reluctant to take off my shoes and walk on the sand. For a while, I stood there, completely blank. I watched everybody around me. My cousins were busy in their own little merriment. I saw little kids busy building their sand castles. Couples sharing their sweet moments. Peanut sellers making their fortune. And some teenagers going insane in the water. Each person different from one another, but one thing was common among all of them. They were happy. A smile on their faces, made me feel, "Why am I being so fuzzy about a pair of shoes, depriving myself from sharing the same joy ?" Before I could answer it, I started walking towards the water. Funny thing, as I took each step, little crabs were running into their holes, bringing that instant smile on my face. Crazy, isn't it ?

When I reached a point, where I could watch the waves fighting with one another to reach me first, my heart started racing. And finally, when I felt the soothing touch of water on my feet, it just pulled away all the burden in a flash. I could feel every inch of me coming alive. I walked towards the rocks and found a cute little place to sit and watch the shimmering waves of water in the moonlight. The enormous lighthouse, blazing my thoughts.

I sat there in peace. Heavenly breezes playing with my hair. And my heart singing along with the roaring waves.
Soon, I slipped back to some beautiful memories. I could actually see them coming alive. My first walk with my grandfather along the shore, where I was busy eating candy. Those endless moments of fun I had in the water with my loved ones, when I was a kid. Crazy "lets see who wins" races along the water, when I used to feel as though I nailed the Olympics on winning them. Building irregular castles for hours together. That first walk I had, hand in hand with my love, feeling too ecstatic. And before I could actually think further, tiny tears rolling down my cheeks just made everything disappear.

That is when I realized, life changed drastically, but it didn't take away the best times i've had, they are still breathing inside me, all the time. Grandpa wasn't there anymore, but his endearing affection didn't die. My crazy times with my loved ones vanished, but their support grew each day. No more racing, yet I learned, to make me win, they will be ready to lose zillion times, to make me feel like a champion. Castles washed away but, the hope of building a dream with these hands didn't. My love disappeared, but the desire of sharing my heartbeat with him didn't. I changed, but the memories inside me didn't.

This is how life works. In our crazy journey of life, we gain some, we lose some. But despite the end result, the ride leading up to the destination gives us so much to store, that when you feel you're all alone,it comes to your rescue. Don't ever feel terrible that you've lost something or someone, because they are never actually gone. They live inside you as memories, for eternity. If you ever miss them, just look inside, they are just a heartbeat away !

The Magical Man !

               

How wonderful is the human brain,takes us to places without actually giving into the reality. Given to the irony,  my brain has never cooperated with me, keeps wandering all the time. Well, before my thoughts were always filled with monster trucks, scary guns and handsome heroes, me being the wonder woman. It might sound ridiculous that at this age, I dream like a child. *Sigh* sometimes, being insane is good. Apart from this, whatever little imagination was left in my life, my paintings occupied that little space. This was the routine.

To my very surprise, my world of imagination totally turned into a cute place, on his each step into my life..Everything around me changed. He touched every little thing and turned it into something magical. All i did was, to watch him, with goosebumps. To describe the most wonderful feelings and times, lovely long talks, a lifetime will not be enough. How wonderfully weird it is, a person becomes so important to you in such a little span of time, fills your world with glitter. Before you realise what the hell has happened, he becomes your life. He becomes your priceless possession, your teddy to whom you'd go to whenever you are lonely. He becomes that lovely breeze that whispers sweet nothings. He becomes that rain, where each drop touches you gently, easing every inch of pain in you. He is that acquaintance who holds your hand, makes you walk to your destination. When you're lonely, he stretches out to you, hugging you close, telling you that i'm right here. Ohhh ! I can't get enough of him.

I close my eyes with his thoughts all over my head. Suddenly, i hear a noise with a sense of fresh fragrance in the air. I open my eyes, i'm somewhere amidst of a huge jungle.I get petrified. I hear his voice so close to my ears, sayin go ahead. I take few baby steps. He says, watch the rocks. I look for him around, he's nowhere to be seen. I satrt walking , I hear the sound of water hitting the rocks. i put a step forward. He says, close your eyes and move ahead. I say i'l fall for sure. He says, trust me. I walk with my eyes shut. After moving upto a distance, he whispers sayng stop. I open my eyes slowly to look at the beautiful body of water slipping through the rocks, creating a musical note. The little drops of water splashing on my face, he gently tells me, that is me, feeling you through those drops. I smile, touching the water, a sense of relief and peace in me. I shout to him, asking him to come infront of me. I get no answer. I find a carnation and grab it. He whispers again saying. whenever you feel the world is dull and depressing, I'l make your eyes glow and fill your world with color like this flower. the sun starts to turn orange.

Black color spreading starts spreading itself,as a blanket. My heart starts racing. He slowly whispers, there is a boat waiting out there, get onto it. I get angry, yet the thought of obeying him s hard to ignore. So, I get into the boat, start rowing. When i'm at the midpoint of the sea, I suddenly stop. Shell shocked, when i watch the glowing lanterns, swinging blissfully in the air. Among those popping lights, he finally appears, coming closer to me saying, if your heart ever races, it will only be with happiness, not fear. Because as long as i'm here, i'l always keep lighting up the lanterns of your happiness. He says those magical words, and there I am, filled with tears of joy. I close my eyes, the dream disappears leaving the magic encircling me. Then i tell myself, that i'm the luckiest girl in this world, because i have a lucky charm for life !

Sometimes, it's all about taking a pause !

Life has so many photographic moments and indeed, camera is the right way of capturing it. I wish I had one too. Get saddened by that thought at times, then I felt, magic of life cannot have any limitations ! I have my journal, I can recapture every little detail with the help of my words, my language.

Scorching heat, thud ! the power goes off. I'm cozily wrapped up in the cool breezes of the air cooler,  breathing in the earthy smell. Whenever you're in a wonderful dream and suddenly, somebody wakes you up, that cranky feeling you get ?! Same was with me, when the cooler stood in silence. All cranky, cursing the electric department, I step out into the balcony. Well, I thought I'd have to wait desperately for the power to come back counting every second. As always, I was surprised !

All upset and sad, I sit on my steps, with my face, wrapped in between my palms. TING TING ! a little bell goes ringing, I get up and give a little peep outside. I spot a little ice cream truck passing by, and my folks, all excited, run to him, trying to pick their favorites. It reminded me of myself, when i was a little girl, I used to have hell of a time choosing on a flavor. I smile to the thought of the little kid in me chirping inside. Each time I take a bite into the yummy chocolate stick, I lose myself in disney land. I find my two brothers so engrossed in eating it and feeding their clothes too. I smile.

 I stare at the road, the bright sun, makes the road glitter. I find an old rickshaw, carrying hell lot of pipes. Trying hard to row his rickshaw,was an old man, giving all his strength, With those wrinkled hands. Then i wonder, the desire to fill the hunger of your family, to have a shade above your head, a commoner usually faces such tough time. I'm suddenly distracted by this little girl who's squeaking with joy, looking at the ice cream. Then a thought arises to mind, how weird is this world, while one man struggles to row his way into life, the other is just taking little steps.  In that cute little age, everything is as perfect as a fairy tale. Only then life starts to change the perfect pink color, turning it to red. And there you are, all your life, trying to turn your ledger into white, losing yourself in the race to do it first.

Suddenly power comes back. Everybody rush inside, the noise of the coolers, televisions start all over again. And the streets become deserted. Even few minutes in a day, help you notice so much. These little things give you such pleasure and joy. I felt, how much we fail to notice, so many wonderful moments around us, getting engrossed in living such a busy, competitive life pushing one another. Sometimes its all about taking that pause, and stretching out our hands to feel the little moments of joy !

The Priceless Possession !

From the time we come into this world, we get obsessed by something or the other. That obsession changes with time, it keeps varying with our choices and interests. Every one of us will always be in a notion that, we know everything about ourselves, more than anybody. But have you ever had anybody in your life who knows about you, more than yourself ? Have you ever had that one person, who makes you recognize the growing obsession inside you, which you have neglected for a very long time ? If i'm asked the same question, my answer would be, YES !! with a wide, happy grin.

I woke up, thinking it would be a very normal day like always. I was starting to get ready, and I found this little rose on my pillow. I picked it up and looked around, there was no one. I just smiled, put it in a little pen stand and went on with my work. This kept happening for few days and it started to freak me out. Finally I decided to find out out who's doing this. That day, I was hiding in my closet, waiting for that person to show up with the rose. I waited for a very long time and I was frustrated. I decided to give up, when I was about to come out of the closet, the next scenario that appeared in front of me made me lose my mind. I saw this adorable cupid, flying in the air, dropping that rose on my pillow. When I stood in front of him, he was startled. I was actually freaked out and in shock completely. He was looking down with his wings flapping in a proper sync with the air. He resembled an angel. I wondered, how could, someone like cupid fall for me ? When I met his other friends, well lets not get into detail about who they were and all, I felt I was lucky. Because, everybody connected to him, could never stop admiring him.

I couldn't ignore the sweet gestures, and his arrow did strike me. Within no time, I started getting attached to him. Soon we were inseperable. In this happy and ridiculous time of my life, the black shadows started spreading itself. And when it did, I wasn't in my best place. That smile began to vanish. All I did was to take out that inner madness on my little cupid. He never said a word, he just kept smiling at me. He tried every possible thing to make me smile. He made such attempts, which will make a person jump with joy. Eveyrbody who heard about this little cupid of mine, only dreamed with glittering eyes, wishing for somebody like him in their life too. Here I was, ignoring everything he did. My madness began to grow, it crossed the heights, and I was unable to calm myself anymore. I began to lose myself to the shadows, ignoring the little cupid in my life, who kept lighting that little light of love in my name each day, giving light to the rose. I couldn't stand him anymore, I stabbed him in his heart, so hard with my words, that he looked at me with those teary eyes, waving me goodbye, but the strong headed me didn't turn back.

Months passed by, time flew like an eagle, swiftly. My cupid didn't come back. I was destroyed completely. And the reason for that was, ME. I began to miss him more than my own heartbeat. I missed those long talks, I used to tell him every llittle thing. And he used to stare at me, with his eyes popping out that heart symbol. I began searching for him, shouting out to him. But I wasn't heard anymore. I opened my book, found those petals of all the roses, pressed between the pages. I touched them, and all I could do was to mourn at the wrinkled sight of them. I held them in my palms, letting the grief in me come out as endless tears.I tried sleeping and all I could remember was his sad face while moving away. That is when I noticed the growing obsession for him in me.

By now, I was completely shattered. I hated my own face. It was time for me to move to another place. I couldn't breathe anymore with those memories around. I went on with my life, but my soul was left at that place. One day, I was looking through my shelf, and found that book where in my rose petals were crushed inside. I opened it. I sat under my study lamp. I kept looking at those petals. Suddenly, I happened to notice, that on every petal, there was a note written for me. Each note described how much he loved me, how much he worshiped me. I fond his little bow and arrow, broken, wrapped in a petal. That particular petal read, " If you don't want me in your life, I will move away, but only to a distance where I could at-least see you, to make sure you're okay. I will not show my face again, but this bow and arrow have no meaning, when there is no more love in life !" I fell on my feet. I ran back to the old place. I looked every where, and there was this one place I never looked in. THE CLOSET. That one place I din look in. There he was, wrapped among those thorns, those dried up roses, his wings stained with his blood. He lay there, all this while, in my thoughts, in my presence. I couldn't even ask him for forgiveness. Because, I can never become like him even in a thousand lives.

Then I realized, you never understand the value of what you have, until you actually lose it. I lost him and there was no more life from that point. So, its time, hug that person whom you love and tell them, how much they mean to you. Because once they are gone, is happiness gone forever.

KEEPING HER ALIVE !

Ever since I was a little girl..I always wondered, why can't we grow up soon, why do we always have to spend so many years being a kid ? When I actually did grow up, I wished, I longed to turn back time. I sulked in despair that I can never bring back those days ever again.

They always say that, when one door closes, the other opens. Maybe, the desire of living back my childhood days wasn't fulfilled. But i was so fortunate to watch my mother, the best mother, live her childhood again.  Yes ! I watched my granny turn into a child. Don't know why, the thought of a marriage, Family, responsibility always freaked me out, specially "kids".

The thought of looking after them, always scared the hell out of me. Well,It doesn't anymore. Like, she taught me everything, she did remove this fear in her last days too. Still remember a clear picture of her,so healthy and strong, even in her fifties, single mother, she did a swell job. And more than a grandparent, she was my mom !

She was always there, my first words, my first steps, my first school, everything. Ever since I can remember feeling hunger, pain, happiness I can only picture her present in every walk of life.

I saw her turn from a mother into a little child, she turned me into a mother. I watched her, becoming half of what she was. I fed her, I bathed her, I put her to sleep. I saw her giggling when she had ice-ream. I saw her in the wheel chair, blood dripping from her hand. I saw myself, when i saw her crashing to the last stage. Within no time, my worst nightmare came true. Before I could take in, she was there Ice cold, in the big box, resting forever. And my whole world came crashing to me. She's gone now, to a perfect place, Where she actually came from. My angel,she must be there, happy, smiling and taking care of other angels and yeah, me too !

The Birth Of A New Dream !

Here I am, staring at the empty notepad open in front of me. My mind is busy wandering what exactly should be done, to fill this blank canvas in front of me, so that it will bring a smile to the reader as a welcome gift to my world. After hovering through everything in my mind, my heart suddenly pops out a thought saying, "why can't you write about dreams ?" then i thought, each one of us associate with some dream or the other since the time of birth. What else can be more appropriate ? It happened then, the keyboard began to give a language to my feelings.

I'm a simple girl with extraordinary pages of life. Life became splendid when I built a dream for myself. That dream, splashed every possible color into the black and white pages of my life.

It all started one day, when i was traveling in a packed bus, back home. I saw this old lady carrying a huge lump of load on her head, climbing the steps of the bus with utmost difficulty. There was one seat at the steps and she sat down. I kept gazing at her. She pulled out a cloth made purse tucked at her waist. She counted all the change with her weak fingers. She was gasping for breath. All this while, she hugged her basket so close to her heart, as if it were a little child. When it was time to get down, with great care, holding that huge basket, she placed her step down. It was so endearing to watch her. Then a thought strikes in my mind, at this age, when they are supposed to relax, they are working more than their capacity. Don't they deserve to be taken care of, in the most fragile way possible ? While I was busy with these thoughts, I found my signs from the universe. It does sound cliche, but it happened with me. I saw this huge beautiful building having an oval arch with words inscribed on it as "Old Age Home". I found a guy wearing a cap saying, "Nike- Just Do it". After getting down the bus, I got into an auto. He was an old man, driving his heart out. When I paid him on reaching my destination, he blessed me. That's it. My decision was made. Then the birth of a new dream happened, to build an old age home, to make those old,deserted souls to feel alive and young again ! Each time I pass by that building, my heart lightens up in delight, hoping that someday my dream will take its shape.

Everyone of us dream,til the last breath of our lives. Some of us live up to that dream and give it a new life. Some of us make that dream succumb to our daily encounter with life, thereby burying that dream under the blanket of our thoughts forever. Have you ever thought, when you act upto the dream, that one person's life you will change, is your own life ?? You will become your own hero. It is in our hands, to grab that torch of dream and light up the path to your goal. Because once you take that step, there is no looking back ! You don't have to be sleeping for that dream to happen, look around you. The signs are just lying there. Wake up that lazy dream in you and start working. You never know, you might be just taking that step towards a new revolution. When you have that last meal of your life and you look back at those days of your dream coming to life, then you will have "EVERYTHING"