Sunday, 23 February 2014

Here's to those crappy bus rides.

India is a vastly populated country. Repeat after me. India is such a ridiculously populated country. I did not even imagine for a second back in school, that this statement would really make-me-want-to-pull-my-hair-out and for the love of Christ, yell for mercy. Strange, how certain things come to bite you back in the   , well I wouldn't want to complete that inappropriate sentence.

I take the bus to reach my office which is located in the outskirts of the city. *sigh* Everyday, standing right in the middle of the bus, among the sweaty crowd, I have an epiphany and then, my office suddenly turns into this Disneyland with my boss holding the lil' fairy wand. Ugh. NO. *brain falls out of its socket* *needs psych help* *faints*

So, here's my take on the experiences you will definitely have if you ever travel by an RTC bus.

1. Creepy and grave men.
Why, oh why ?! Why do some men act so nymphomaniacal ? Calm down, seriously. I swear they resemble  Jessica Rabbit with her eyes popping out. I feel I really need to wear the sign KEEP YOUR BUSINESS IN YOUR PANTS OR YOUR LEGS ARE COMING OFF FOREVER !

2. Frenzy women.
To add to the misery, there are always some deranged women in the buses who do such scatty things to get a place in the bus. Like some roguish men aren't enough to creep you out already ! Firstly, they throw their belongings through the window to hold a place in the bus. What all do they throw in you ask ?

A handkerchief.
A bag.
Vile of them all, their kids too.

Also they run if they spot an empty place. So fast. I swear they will give all the athelets a run for their money. Don't underestimate the power of a comman woman I say !

3. Conductor.
I hardly had any nightmares with women conductors so I might come across as a feminist here. So, the conductor, he is the man all guys look upto. *Jai Ho* *SLOW-CLAP*
If the bus is crowded, this guy will have the time of his life. Squeeze into the crowd, push all the women, nudge half of them for tickets. Sounds fun right? Okay, I want to use the Gangsta accent here, HELLS NO!

4. Driver.
I shall reveal the oath he takes every morning. I shall be rude. I will expect you to jump off a running bus with ease and board it back with finesse. I will drive like I don't give a darn to a rat's back. I will yell my lungs out if you ask me to stop at your convenience. I will keep chewing sickening red crap all day and scare the pants off people who look at my teeth directly.

5. Brakes.
 Oh ! The horror. I remember this particular incident where I was standing in the bus and I had to take a call. While I was busy on the phone, the driver being the darling like always, hit the brake so hard that I fell into a woman's lap. And there was laughter. *covers face and turns red*

So, if you're traveling in an RTC bus, make sure you wear super strong boots to hold your weight or you can always glue yourself to the bus.

That's it people. You've been warned, so be careful with the maniacs out there. *takes a bow*