Saturday, 24 August 2013

In her Memories !

Over the years, I built an illusion for myself. A figment of an imaginary world, where I had this mirage of her being alive there. I could feel her presence, I could see her smile, which dazzles me like always. Sure, it is just a fallacy of my life. But this apparition made me happy. I wanted to just close my eyes and stay there forever, because if I woke up, she vanished. I do not know if this sounds eerie to normal people, but this illusion has now become a part of my life, which keeps me alive.

I tried in numerous ways to relinquish my life. The desire of not wanting to wake up to another day without her was so desolating, but yet again fate didn't let me have my will. I always found it preposterous when people embraced suicide over living a challenging life. Cowards, I thought. Ironically, I now feel, giving up my life is a far kinder alternative than to die every day without the presence of your treasured one. I do know that, in the course of life, people come and go. But she wasn't a part of the ordinary bunch for me. She was an archangel who walked into the darkness of my life. Every man who ever loved a woman would say the same, but not every man is unfortunate to watch his precious one evanescence to another world leaving behind a shattered heart. I know nothing about moving on in life and I chose not to ever know about it. I often get perplexed, when people preach me about the same. I really wonder, how can you learn to ignore a part of your life and pretend it never existed ?

While I was lost, exasperating on the doom of my life, sitting at my front porch, the vehicles by the road brought me back to reality with their loud noises. It was then, I began to recollect how it all happened. I was returning back home, excited and anxious. Seated in my cab, I was envisaging on how I should be responding when she tells me the much awaited news with glittering eyes. I was so elated because we were trying to have a baby for sometime now. Recently, when my precious felt sick, we both anticipated that it was finally happening and we got some tests done in that regard. The reports were due that day.

My cab halted at the gate. I didn't find her running to me and embracing me, like she does every time. I started to realize that something went wrong. As I walked further towards the house, I noticed her seated at the porch, with a traumatic look on her face. Seeing me arrive, she stood up on her staggering feet and fell on my shoulder. She wept, I do not remember for how long she did that. When I asked her the reason, she placed a file, with the hospital's name on it. I opened it and tried to understand the situation, but there were many terms on it, which were totally unfamiliar to me. She noticed the confusion on my face. She took my face into her hands and said, "Honey, they say I'm dying. Doctor sat me down today and explained me about my condition. She said I'm suffering from cervical cancer and that I've reached the chronic stage." And she broke down again. I screamed saying that this was all not true and there must have been a mistake. Everything around me went blur and my world came crashing down to me. Like a man who's world has been ripped apart, I felt my life going out of my hands.

I took her to every hospital, begged every doctor to do some magic and cure her. I knelt down in front of my Lord and wept.I burnt many candles. I spent every penny I ever earned. I always put on a braveface infront of her, but every inch of me was getting wrecked inside. She got worse with each passing day. It was killing me to watch her in pain while they were piercing needles into her fragile body. Despite the pain, she smiled telling me she would return home soon and make me my favorite sphagetti with her hands. How dearly she loved me ! Days passed with me struggling with my trips to the hospital, just to watch her fight with her life, like a hero. Before I could forfeit my fate, she was gone.

My life never got back on the wheels after that day. Even today, all my folks advice me to get medical help. I feel pity for them when they call my love for her a disease. Yes, may be it is and I never want to be cured from it. I wait everyday for her to come and take me away, wherever she is. May be it wont happen anytime soon but I'm sure I will reach her one day. Until then, I will live in her memories.


This is the story of every man who lost his love. A man, may not be intense and deep like a woman, but when he truly loves, there can never be an uncertainity in it. I wrote this article, as a tribute to all the fighters out there. All I ask everyone reading this article is, please take some time off your busy life. Shut down the social media for a while and visit a cancer hospital. Help the true warriors out there. Motivate them. Love them. Spread some light in their fading lives. Make them feel beautiful again. Remember them in your prayers always. Also, educate yourself and your folks about the various causes of cancer. Like it is said, prevention is better than cure, isn't it ? So let's not lose more precious ones. Hold your beloved today and tell them, Hey, I Love you and I'm glad to have you in my life. God Bless !


  1. So precious! That made me cry...

  2. Live life love life...Better way to spread happiness!!!! Nice post haritha soul touching one

  3. Veena ! Thank you so much ! :)